I’ll be the first to admit that I have Halloween issues.  I don’t like the event.  (If you’re out there, Cosette - sorry.)  It doesn’t really have anything to do with the fact that it’s exactly a week after my birthday, that fact never bothered me.

Sure, as a kid, I dressed up in costume and went trick-or-treating.  I grew up in a nice suburban neighborhood where my family knew all of the other families with children.  I had two best friends on my street, and two others within easy walking distance.  There were always older kids around who were the rotating babysitters, and it was like having older siblings at times.  But enough of that - it was a good childhood, and Halloween was part of it.

I don’t recall when I stopped dressing up and going door-to-door, but it was probably around the time I left that neighborhood, or a little earlier - about 10 I would say.  My costumes were usually superheroes or cowboys or the like.  Wait - I just found a repressed memory.  I remember going to a Halloween party when I was a freshman in high school at Stephanie/Taffy’s house.  (Writing out the name is more for my benefit than yours.)  She was a sophomore, and I was so completely into her.  And she was completely out of my league.  I think my best friend John was into her, too, but he wound up going out with her hot older friend who was a junior.  Anyway, I recall dressing up as a vampire with white face paint, black highlights and a rented black cape from Masters Tuxedo.  John dressed up as a vampire, too, but he had fake blood on his mouth.  My costume was good, but I felt more like an outcast wearing it.  I think that night might have been the first time I drank beer, come to think of it.  Anyway, it was weird and awkward and I’ve not done the macabre costume thing again.  It was my one-night excursion into the world of the teenage goth losers, I guess.  Goth wasn’t even a teenage style in my high school in the early 80’s.

(I never did go out with Taffy, but I saw her many years later at an HFStival in DC.  She was still cute, but I was long over her.)

Halloween, right.  So I think that my issues with Halloween stem from my teenage years.  I’ve only ever gone to one horror movie (Visiting Hours), again with John and his mother (it was rated “R”).  I didn’t especially like it, and for some reason I watched other slasher flicks in high school with friends.  I’ve seen a bunch of the Friday the 13th movies, and didn’t like those, either.  I seem to recall being at a girl’s house in her basement watching, too.  I can’t for the life of me remember who she was, though.  I know, I’m getting sidetracked.

Anyway, Halloween as an adult has seemed to revolve around this evil, gory, unholy subculture and I just don’t like it.  October has become the month of mute/channel change when the horror movie trailers come on.  (Even more especially if Tommy happens to be in the room.)  I don’t appreciate shrieking ghosts in stores, or haunted graveyards in front lawns.

Trick-or-treating on the homeowner side isn’t as fun as I thought it would be growing up, either.  I love the little kids dressed as clowns, and superheroes, and cartoons, etc.  I think it’s sweet how they say “thank you” when you give them something (and hope that their parents are rationing out the candy at home).

There’s another thing.  This country is plagued by childhood obesity.  Do we really need to feed the nation’s sweet tooth so zealously?  Don’t even get me started about the razor blade/needle/poison scare we had when I was younger.  That made trick-or-treating suspect from then on.

As much as I like little kids in adorable costumes, I hate ungrateful teenagers dressed as “obnoxious high school student” who do the grab and dash.  Can we put a “no taller than Adolescent Hooliganism Panda’s shoulder” cardboard guard at the end of the driveway?  For a few years, I actually did the sit-in-the-house-with-the-lights-off thing because I didn’t want to face the teenage jackasses.  In our current house, we do the candy thing because we like our neighbors, and we want to be good sports.  And I am a good sport, even when we get kids dressed in scary, undead costumes.  To me, that just seems to ruin their God-given innocence.  [sigh]  I even read a comment on Baby Center (because I am a “mom”, after all - different rant, different day) where one lady was dressing her toddler up as a “dead fireman”.  WTF?  I think dressing up as an actual deceased personality - whether generic like a fireman or coal miner, or celebrity like the Crocodile Hunter - is just sick.

But clearly, I’m not going to escape it unless we go to Italy every Halloween. (Hmmm.)  When we were there for Halloween in 2004, there were very few decorations, no one in costumes and it was a generic bar night, like St. Paddy’s day here.  So, what to do?  Well, there’s already the channel change for horror movie trailers.  That’s no different than all the political calls we get at the house at the end of October.  (Though I’m investigating ways to end that.)  I don’t mind if Tommy wants to dress up and play make-believe on Halloween.  Of course, he doesn’t understand any of this.  He just points out all the pumpkins and bats and spiders he sees.  As he grows older, he’s free to dress up in “nice” costumes, and I’ll even take him trick-or-treating when he’s old enough.  We’re going to tightly ration the candy, though.

The other way to embrace the season is with Fall Festivals, like the one we did at a large farm on Sunday.  Tommy saw pigs and cows, and went on his very first hay ride.  Sure, there were “spooky” things on it, but they were cheesy and goofy.  And again, he didn’t understand it.  He got to munch on a few pieces of kettle corn, and ride down a huge slide on the side of a hill.  (Seriously, the slide was probably 30 feet long and was completely solo-toddler safe.)  He had so much fun on the slide (having two friends his age with him was all the better), I’m considering taking him again tomorrow during the day, before the festival closes for the year and when weekday prices are cheaper.

I still like jack o’ lanterns made from pumpkins, and I enjoy carving them.  Last year, I started a tradition where I carve a pumpkin in Tommy’s likeness.  It’s gotten to the point when I really look forward to commemorating his growth this way.  Once a year is plenty, though - I finished this year’s around 11 pm last night, and my hands were tired.

So, by all means, enjoy Halloween how you like.  Diversity is the spice of life, and some holidays are more important to each of us than others.  Just don’t be surprised if I’m not there with you.